Good Intentions – Bad Results

Did you ever do something for a person or give advice with good intentions to another person and the other person seems to be annoyed by this? Leaving you with the feeling that this person is really ungrateful?

Well there are some ungrateful people, but not that many. Very often the reason is something different.

You see, the person being at the receiving end of your well-intentioned advice or action may think or feel:

- Why are you patronizing me? Do you think I don’t know this? Or, don’t you trust me?
- Do you think that I don’t know myself how to handle this (or how to do this)? I am not stupid.
- Why are you meddling in my business?
- I am more knowledgeable about my current situation than you. After all, this is my challenge. What makes you think that you know better?
- Easy for you to say (people may think this when they are under stress)

As we can see there are many reasons, why things can backfire.

What is the way around it? Simple – Ask for permission and / or explain your action! You could say something like this:

- May I say something?
- Do you want my opinion / advice on this?
- Please ask me, whenever you think that I can be of help.
- I had a similar challenge; do you want to know what helped me?
- Can I do this for you because … (give your good reason)

Sometimes people don’t want your advice, and then be compassionate.

If you are the boss and your staff is reluctant to take your advice it is often a good option to agree on the goal and how it will be measured if the goal is achieved. And make your staff aware of their responsibilities.