A few days ago I had a fight with my wife. Why? She criticised me. Just before that I finished a phone conversation which was a bit unpleasant. I was in a bad mood and the criticism, actually it was about a very small matter, just came at the wrong time and I yelled at her. Well, the issue is settled, but let’s talk about criticism.
Many bosses, spouses, and colleagues are very generous with there criticism about others. And normally with good intention. You hear comments like – ‘I only want to help you to improve’ – ‘I have good intentions, when I say that’ – ‘You should learn to take advice. It is for your own good.’
Well maybe. But isn’t it that sometimes we want people to shut up and keep their good intentions for themselves. Why is that the case? As I have learned through my research on motivation, there is one thing that we all yearn for and that is RESPECT. We want to be respected for what we are. Now, criticism goes exactly against this desire of being respected for what we are because somebody thinks that we should be different, hence they criticise us. It is even worse when criticism is done in front of others, because, now we are losing face as well.
Of course, having said all this, we need to recognize the benefit of criticism as it pin points areas of improvement. Here are a few tips on making criticism work.
TIMING
My wife has a funny habit. Sometimes I talk about a very important issue but pronounce a word wrongly. Then she would immediately interrupt me and tell me how to pronounce the word correctly. Well the pronunciation of a word wasn’t really that important compared to the issue I was talking about. So, it is very upsetting.
Take this to the work environment. During a project review or appraisal criticism or better said ‘areas of improvement’ have its place, but must we blurt out our criticism all the time?
It is especially difficult to receive criticism in a stress environment. Choose the right moment.
IMPORTANCE
Many issues are small matters. Things can be done one way or the other. Minimize criticism and focus on the big issues. Let the small issues go.
IN PRIVATE
Abstain from criticism in front of others. This is additional embarrassment for the criticised person and is just not necessary. You will also notice that people being criticised in front of others are more likely to counter attack in order to save face.
BALANCED FEEDBACK
During one of my seminars I have a presentation exercise. I ask a participant to give a presentation and then ask the others to give some feedback. The interesting thing is that 70 – 80% of the feedback given is some sort of criticism. Rarely people mention what they liked about the presentation. How would you feel about that?
If you are required to give feedback, here is a good structure. Say something like:
I liked about your presentation / project / performance
+ Plus point
+ Plus point
+ Plus point
Now here a few areas where I think that you can improve
- Minus point
- Minus point
- Minus point
As the plus points are mentioned as well, the criticised person is much more likely to accept the criticism and improve.
CRITICISE BASED ON FACTS
Base your criticism on facts e.g. ‘I notice that your last three reports have been submitted late. We need to talk about this.’
Don’t get personal e.g. ‘I think your time management is bad.’
RECEIVING CRITICISM
I have shared with you how to criticise professionally. That doesn’t mean that you will always be criticised professionally. Therefore, with all the unpleasantness about criticism keep in mind; criticism shows where you can improve, take it and learn from it. Even your tormentor can be your teacher.
Many bosses, spouses, and colleagues are very generous with there criticism about others. And normally with good intention. You hear comments like – ‘I only want to help you to improve’ – ‘I have good intentions, when I say that’ – ‘You should learn to take advice. It is for your own good.’
Well maybe. But isn’t it that sometimes we want people to shut up and keep their good intentions for themselves. Why is that the case? As I have learned through my research on motivation, there is one thing that we all yearn for and that is RESPECT. We want to be respected for what we are. Now, criticism goes exactly against this desire of being respected for what we are because somebody thinks that we should be different, hence they criticise us. It is even worse when criticism is done in front of others, because, now we are losing face as well.
Of course, having said all this, we need to recognize the benefit of criticism as it pin points areas of improvement. Here are a few tips on making criticism work.
TIMING
My wife has a funny habit. Sometimes I talk about a very important issue but pronounce a word wrongly. Then she would immediately interrupt me and tell me how to pronounce the word correctly. Well the pronunciation of a word wasn’t really that important compared to the issue I was talking about. So, it is very upsetting.
Take this to the work environment. During a project review or appraisal criticism or better said ‘areas of improvement’ have its place, but must we blurt out our criticism all the time?
It is especially difficult to receive criticism in a stress environment. Choose the right moment.
IMPORTANCE
Many issues are small matters. Things can be done one way or the other. Minimize criticism and focus on the big issues. Let the small issues go.
IN PRIVATE
Abstain from criticism in front of others. This is additional embarrassment for the criticised person and is just not necessary. You will also notice that people being criticised in front of others are more likely to counter attack in order to save face.
BALANCED FEEDBACK
During one of my seminars I have a presentation exercise. I ask a participant to give a presentation and then ask the others to give some feedback. The interesting thing is that 70 – 80% of the feedback given is some sort of criticism. Rarely people mention what they liked about the presentation. How would you feel about that?
If you are required to give feedback, here is a good structure. Say something like:
I liked about your presentation / project / performance
+ Plus point
+ Plus point
+ Plus point
Now here a few areas where I think that you can improve
- Minus point
- Minus point
- Minus point
As the plus points are mentioned as well, the criticised person is much more likely to accept the criticism and improve.
CRITICISE BASED ON FACTS
Base your criticism on facts e.g. ‘I notice that your last three reports have been submitted late. We need to talk about this.’
Don’t get personal e.g. ‘I think your time management is bad.’
RECEIVING CRITICISM
I have shared with you how to criticise professionally. That doesn’t mean that you will always be criticised professionally. Therefore, with all the unpleasantness about criticism keep in mind; criticism shows where you can improve, take it and learn from it. Even your tormentor can be your teacher.
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