Most people don’t feel very comfortable to disagree with somebody and to say ‘NO’. If your background is a traditional Asian environment, where typically group culture and respect towards authority are more prevalent, then saying ‘NO’ may feel even more awkward.
The fact remains, sometimes one needs to disagree, because you just cannot or want to comply with the other person’s request.
Here are some tips, which may be helpful:
Say ‘NO’ quickly
As soon as the objectionable request comes up immediately say, with a pleasant and firm voice, something like ‘‘Sorry, that won’t be possible’’. If you give an evasive answer like ‘‘Let me think about it’’ or ‘‘I am not sure if this will be possible. Let me check.’’ you are creating hope. The other party is likely to push you harder. You will feel uncomfortable under this pressure, and still, finally, have to say ‘NO’. Creating hope and disappointing later is much more unpleasant for all parties involved. The quick ‘NO’ is the better solution. Don’t ever think that after an evasive answer, the other person will forget about his/her request and it will settle itself. Most requests don’t do that.
Put issue aside and say ‘NO’ later
When you start a discussion / negotiation and you disagree with the first issue, it may be a good option to say something like ‘‘That point needs a bit more thinking from my side. Do you mind to discuss the other issues first and return to this one later?’’ The purpose of this technique is that you discuss first all other issues on which you can agree. Once you have agreed on many issues, you have established a common ground. The chance that the other side will call off the negotiation is less as they can also see the common ground. They want to see their negation efforts to pay off as well. Then you would say something like ‘‘Great, we have achieved agreement on moat point. Do we have a deal?'' If needed ''Now, coming back to the first issue, I am sorry that will not be possible. I suggest that we still go ahead because we have agreement on all the other issues.’’ The chance of agreement will be substantially increased.
Don’t disagree on a personal level; let the facts speak for you
Nobody likes to hear ‘‘I disagree with you’’ or worse ‘‘Not true’’. Never get personal with your disagreement. Rather bring up some facts and let them speak for you. Some examples ‘‘I need to say your statement is not in line with my experience.’’ ‘‘Our company policy would not allow for this.’’ ‘‘I talked to a few people about the same subject, they have a different opinion.’’
Find the balance
I notice that many ‘arguments’ start because people look at their ideas as competing with each other. Examples: polite vs. being blunt – teamwork vs. competition. My favourite comment is ‘‘Let’s not look at our ideas as being competing with each other. In life the right solution is often a balanced approach. Let’s look at the pro’s and con’s of both of our views. Then I am sure, we will find the right solution.’’
The fact remains, sometimes one needs to disagree, because you just cannot or want to comply with the other person’s request.
Here are some tips, which may be helpful:
Say ‘NO’ quickly
As soon as the objectionable request comes up immediately say, with a pleasant and firm voice, something like ‘‘Sorry, that won’t be possible’’. If you give an evasive answer like ‘‘Let me think about it’’ or ‘‘I am not sure if this will be possible. Let me check.’’ you are creating hope. The other party is likely to push you harder. You will feel uncomfortable under this pressure, and still, finally, have to say ‘NO’. Creating hope and disappointing later is much more unpleasant for all parties involved. The quick ‘NO’ is the better solution. Don’t ever think that after an evasive answer, the other person will forget about his/her request and it will settle itself. Most requests don’t do that.
Put issue aside and say ‘NO’ later
When you start a discussion / negotiation and you disagree with the first issue, it may be a good option to say something like ‘‘That point needs a bit more thinking from my side. Do you mind to discuss the other issues first and return to this one later?’’ The purpose of this technique is that you discuss first all other issues on which you can agree. Once you have agreed on many issues, you have established a common ground. The chance that the other side will call off the negotiation is less as they can also see the common ground. They want to see their negation efforts to pay off as well. Then you would say something like ‘‘Great, we have achieved agreement on moat point. Do we have a deal?'' If needed ''Now, coming back to the first issue, I am sorry that will not be possible. I suggest that we still go ahead because we have agreement on all the other issues.’’ The chance of agreement will be substantially increased.
Don’t disagree on a personal level; let the facts speak for you
Nobody likes to hear ‘‘I disagree with you’’ or worse ‘‘Not true’’. Never get personal with your disagreement. Rather bring up some facts and let them speak for you. Some examples ‘‘I need to say your statement is not in line with my experience.’’ ‘‘Our company policy would not allow for this.’’ ‘‘I talked to a few people about the same subject, they have a different opinion.’’
Find the balance
I notice that many ‘arguments’ start because people look at their ideas as competing with each other. Examples: polite vs. being blunt – teamwork vs. competition. My favourite comment is ‘‘Let’s not look at our ideas as being competing with each other. In life the right solution is often a balanced approach. Let’s look at the pro’s and con’s of both of our views. Then I am sure, we will find the right solution.’’
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