The Novel Cure

By Ella Berthoud & Susan Elderkin

Why do I like this book? Very often in life we face new challenges and problems.

Of course, we attempt to tackle these; however, typically we get a bit anxious or concerned as we are worried about the future (outcome).

Interestingly, for every major challenge that one may face, somebody already wrote a novel about it. The neat thing is, that, by reading the novel (in summary), we can read about people who faced similar challenges to ours and how the future panned out for them; you may wish to know, mostly, well.

There is a good chance that this may provide you with a lot of insights or comfort, helping you with your own challenges. (You may think that novels are not real stories. Correct, but they a written by intelligent people and often could be true. No harm to get some additional inspirations.)

The book is organized like a dictionary and you can look up key words like (I take a random pick):
- Ageing parents
- Job, hating your
- Trust, loss of

There are around 1000 subjects in alphabetical order

How to Fail at Almost Everthing and Still Win Big

This book is written by Scott Adams, most famous for his ‘Dilbert Comics’, pretty sarcastic, with a pinch of truth, comics about the working environment. 

I like his approach to success. Firstly he acknowledges that luck, also circumstances and timing, plays a major role in success. Then he suggests what needs to be done:

1.  To develop energy. His point is that one can’t make it without a good level of energy.

2. To give luck a better chance to find you. Sounds initially funny, though he has good arguments what needs to be done in order to increase your chances of success.

Easy reading with many useful suggestions, combined with plenty of personal experiences.

Pleasing People

Over the weekend I bought a S$ 300 item in a retail store. At the time of payment the cashier informed me that I was entitled to a S$ 20 voucher that I can use for my next purchase. Only trouble, I had to go to another counter, join a queue to get my voucher and then I was informed that I can use the voucher from next Monday only. I am sure that there is some good administrative and commercial thinking behind this concept, only, as a customer, I was upset because I just don’t like running around, queuing, and making another trip to town in order to use my S$ 20 voucher.

I told the sales person to feedback to their management that it is no point to have a promotion, which is supposed to be something good for the customer, but, at the same time upsetting, the customer. (To be fair she put me immediately in touch with the manager and the issue was settled to my satisfaction).

Take away – If you want to do something to make another person happy then just do that and let them enjoy, nice and easy. Examples:

Praise – If you want to praise a person, just do that. Don’t follow up with ‘but you should also do this better’.

Giving – If you want to give something, give. I think in most cases it is not a good idea to attach condition to the gift.

If you do a favour, just help. Don’t negotiate what the other person should do in return for you.

If you are in charge of doing promotional campaign for your company. Keep in mind to keep your customer happy by making implementation easy. Happy customers will return.

In other words. Give. Let people easily enjoy that you want to give. The vast majority of people will truly appreciate this, you will end up having credit in their hearts and positive responses will be there in the future.

Unhappy?

It happens frequently that we are unhappy with a certain situation. I have noticed that peoples’ reaction to undesirable circumstances can be separated into three categories. 

1. Take action to change the situation

Some situations are overwhelming and the thought may come up that, just on our own, we cannot change the circumstances. That is probably often correct, though we need to remind ourselves that big changes are typically initiated and driven by a single person e.g. Lee Kuan Yew being instrumental in building Singapore, Nelson Mandela leading South Africa to abolish apartheid. 

Maybe we don’t feel cut out to tackle such humongous tasks, but the message is that we shouldn’t underestimate ourselves. With true determination, we can achieve more than we think possible. 

2 Make the best out of it

Fair enough, then there are many developments which just happen and make our lives more challenging. When things go wrong we can always analyse and learn, not to repeat possible mistakes. Or find one way or another to deal with it, make the best out of it, and go on with life.

3. Complain

If we complain to the relevant party and get things settled, that actually falls under point 1, but, did you notice that a lot of people actually complain to the wrong people i.e. to friends about what is wrong in the company or to a colleague about the boss? 

No point complaining to a person that cannot address the issue. Yes, sometime it feels good if we complain and somebody listens to us. It is okay to have a bit of a massage for the soul. But, actually, it doesn’t solve anything and generally make you feel more negative or miserable, in other words, best to be avoided. 

Most people are happy to show a compassion when others are down, but I don’t know of anybody who loves to listen to ongoing complaints and moaning.

Adjusting - Why Always Me?

It is very common to see things differently and having a discussion to sort things out. When doing so I found that, at the extreme, there are two types of people.

The Fundamentalist

The fundamentalist is convinced that he is always right. Shuts out reason that doesn’t fit her view. Doesn’t listen and absorb others’ arguments, hence has immediate answers ready. Knows better. Not willing to change his mind. Can remember exactly the words being said in a conversation one week ago (which is about humanly impossible). Would use words like ‘you don’t understand’? Takes his assumption as a fact instead of first looking at known facts, then looking at possible assumptions, typically more than one, and then conclude.

Note – after a discussion the fundamentalist is as knowledgeable as before. If there was something to learn, he didn’t.

Note – when being challenged aggressively most of us tend to become a bit more fundamental. If you are a manager, be extra sensitive to this.

The Explorer

The explorer is aware that often he is wrong. Has often self-doubts. Willing to listen. Absorb new information that does not fit her current view. Often finds that her view can be improved. Or he can improve something personally. Willing to adjust. Willing to admit mistakes.

Explorers know to defuse discussions by avoiding personal (counter)-attacks, speaking with a reasonable voice, and arguing based on fact.

Note – Typically, the explorer is a bit smarter after a discussion.

Note – As the explorer is willing to adjust and improve, but the fundamentalist is not, it looks very often that the fundamentalist is winning an argument. This is sometimes frustrating for the explorer and explorers ask themselves ‘Why do I always adjust and the other party not?’ ‘Why always me?’

My comment

If you are an absolute genius, by all means, be a fundamentalist. Most of us are not, hence, I like you to take the mind-set of an explorer. And I suggest taking the burden upon you to improve yourself and learn.

Over time a few things will happen:

1. You get smarter and more mature as you are willing to see personal weaknesses and shortcomings in your reasoning. As a result you will also be more respected.

2. Don’t worry about sometimes you ‘giving in’. People around you will notice your maturity. Again – time will tell.

3. People around you will want to work with you, because they can develop a rich working relationship with you. (Nobody wants to work with a fundamentalist, unless another fundamentalist of the same ‘shade’). It is an absolute career booster if people want to work with you

DISENGAGED STAFF

I was shocked when I read a newspaper article in the Singapore Straits Times – 06 Dec 13. The article referred to a survey, done by Gallup on workers’ mind-set. 

Key-Findings:

9% are passionate about their employer and committed to work. 

76% are disengaged. 

14% are more or less out to damage their company. 

To me, these are horrible results and, to a very big degree, management must be accountable for this. 

Therefore, I like to repeat my recommendations on managing people (previously published in this blog) 

Managing people may not be easy, but it is certainly not complicated. There are not so many things to be done, but the few, I call it the BASICS must be done and must be done right; and staff engagement will certainly reach a very good level.

THE BASICS according to my view: 

LONG-TERM GOAL Make sure that the long-term goal for your team is defined and known to all. This provides focus and is the base for empowering your staff. 

CLEARLY DEFINED GOALS FOR INDIVIDUAL STAFF Make sure the goals are clearly defined, measurable, and time sensitive. For many jobs a good job description is as suitable. Again, just make sure that is well defined, measurable, and time sensitive. 

VALUES Values define the working culture. I suggest establishing values, and find a definition supportive behaviours for each value. This is important in order to ensure clear understanding by everybody. (If you are to busy. Google Many companies have their values and supportive bahavioirs on their website. You will find something that you like)

HAVE THE RIGHT PEOPLE Expect from your staff two things, namely to meet the goals and live the values. If that is not the case, YOU need to do something. Always, your first responsibility is to coach and enable, however, if that does not show results, harsher decisions need to be made. Again, this is YOUR job. Be very thorough when employing new staff. Spend time on the interviews; ask colleagues or staff to help you to interview and select. 

REGULAR FEEDBACK SESSIONS WITH EACH STAFF Meet once a month with each staff member for a performance review and address all issues required for your staff to perform. For conducting good performance reviews, please refer to another write up in this blog ‘Performance Review’. 

LEAD BY EXAMPLE Look for the write up ‘Leadership’ in this blog. 

FAIR PAY Money is not everything, but for most it is very difficult to be motivated if not adequately paid.

The most important Success Factor

What’s the real diff between success (in a career / business)  or average?

There is an on-going quest to figure out the real traits that lead to success; integrity, competence, emotional intelligence just to mention a few. No doubt these are important traits, however, there are many people who also have these traits and still do not enjoy success. And, let's face it, some people are successful without having integrity, or emotional intelligence.

So, it is fair to ask – What is the real difference? I argue it is ‘Persistent Goal-Orientated Action’. That means we must have an idea what we want to achieve on long-term. Focus our time and mind on developing, reviewing, adjusting but mainly – at least 80% - on DOING things that bring us closer to the goal. Persistently, all the time.

I haven’t met a successful person who does not display this ‘Persistent Goal-Orientated Action’.

Some philosophical notes on the subject.

- Goals are not chiselled in stone. Events, opportunities may require adjustments. Do so. Just continue to think big.

- One can lose many times and turn out a winner. Keep on learning from the defeats. Keep going.

 

- We can make many mistakes and recover. Ask yourself which mistakes you cannot make as they are unrecoverable. Avoid those.

- It is normal to feel defeated and miserable sometimes. Then just do that. Feel miserable for a while. It can be very cleansing for the soul. At some point you will realize that it didn’t solve anything. Back to action time.

- There is action that brings you closer to your goal and sometimes we are just doing things routinely. Habitually, see the difference between the two and focus on the first one.

- Most of us were put in front of a staircase, a few lucky ones on an escalator, i.e. most of us need to do the climbing ourselves. Success requires persistant hard work.

- There is a lot of unpleasant, boring stuff to be done but bring you closer to the goal. That is where persistence plays such an important part.

- There will be unfairness, adversity.  Again, that is where persistence is so import